The Second Reason That Dating at the Office is a Bad Idea for Women

We have all heard the most well-known reason that dating at the office is a bad idea. (Something about don’t defecate where you eat.)  It’s an inelegant expression, but it communicates the basic idea that office romance can, at minimum, lead to awkwardness in the aftermath if dating does not work out, and at worst can damage your career.

But there’s another reason that I don’t think dating in the workplace is a good idea for women. This reason is lesser-known, but still worthy of contemplation.

The second reason that dating in the workplace is a bad idea for women is that it destroys the mystery. Men love mystery, and while mystery naturally dissipates the longer you date a man, you don’t want to do anything to unnaturally hasten its departure (In fact one of the most common dating mistakes women make is of trying to disclose too much, too soon, thereby killing the mystery and with it, the man’s interest level.)  The truth is that men fall in love in the “spaces” in between seeing and talking to you.

Men often need to feel your absence in order to connect with their feelings of love for you.  When he cannot see or talk to you, that is the moment it’s most likely to dawn on him that he loves you. They fall in love not so much when they are with you as when they are thinking about you with longing in between the times they can actually see or talk to you. If they can see you (even in a professional context) randomly throughout the day, it destroys some of the mystery. If they know more or less where you are all day long, there is no thinking about you and wondering what you’re doing. Similarly, he doesn’t have to worry that you are being wooed by another man in this moment if he can see that you are right there working at your desk. (It’s good for a man to be less sure about these things, as often it’s the threat that someone else might beat him to the punch that motivates a man to move the ball forward in dating).

So do yourself a favor and say no office romance. By doing so, you’ll not only keep your career in good shape, you’ll also have better dating results across the board when the men you are dating cannot see you randomly but rather must make a special effort to set up plans with you in order to see you.

- “Coach Cori” McGraw at the Love Academy for Women

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