Does Anything Good Come out of Hang Out Dates?

Recently a young woman asked me, “Does anything good ever come out of hang out dates?”

She had asked because a man had invited her over to his place to watch a movie and she wasn’t sure whether to accept. She was feeling frustrated with men who invited her to “hang out” and then would make a move on her without any real courtship in between.

I’d say that she answered her own question.

Most of us know what it means when a man invites a woman over to watch Netflix and chill.

The reality is, men often ask women to “hang out” because it’s a way to create a situation that may lead to physical intimacy but without much effort, time, or expense on his part.

The problem with hang out dates is that all the benefit goes to the man. He has the chance to get close to you emotionally and/or physically, without proving himself first. The reason it’s important that a man proves himself first with effort (courtship) is that a man will never value that which is easily acquired.

A man once explained it this way. “If a woman will accept crumbs, then crumbs are all she’s going to get.” 

Think back to high school when people were getting their first cars. Boys who had to work and save for their first car tended to be out there every Saturday afternoon washing and polishing the car. Conversely, I bet you can think of that kid in high school whose parents bought him a shiny new car that he then crashed within a few months. (I can think of one family that went through that cycle three times with buying their son new cars that he continued to crash.) Why is it that men are more likely to crash a car they didn’t have to work and personally pay for? Men tend not to appreciate anything they didn’t have to work hard to acquire. It applies to cars and to women.

Some women mistakenly think being casual and easy-going is the way to go with men. But what we see is that if they just hand over the keys to their heart and/or body so easily, men end up treating them like the car that they crash into the telephone pole. In contrast, if you require men to invest time and effort in getting to know you via real dates (and when I say require what I mean is turning down “hang out” invites early on and accepting only real dates in the beginning like taking you out to dinner, etc.), you are setting up a dynamic where if the man eventually wins your heart, he is much more likely to treasure you and treat you well because of the investment and work he put in along the way. Women shoot themselves in the foot when they try to “help” a man date them by agreeing to an invite without any discretion about what the suggested activity is and whether or not it sets up a desirable dynamic for the future.

Do yourself a favor. Say no to hang out dates. (If a man wants to hang out with you, let him court you first and eventually become your boyfriend or husband, then you can do hang out dates with him.)

Bonus tip: Not sure how to get real date invites in a hook-up culture? Not sure what to say when a man offers to hang-out? Take our audio course on Techniques for Accepting the Date That Make the Date Work in Your Favor to get an in-depth discussion on exactly what to say and do in these situations. https://www.loveacademyforwomen.com/techniques-for-accepting-the-date-that-make-the-date-work-in-your-favor

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- “Coach Cori “ McGraw at the Love Academy for Women

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