The Best Cosmetic in Dating is Happiness

What’s the best cosmetic in dating? Trick question, because the answer is happiness.

Men like women who are happy. Come to think of it, don’t most of us appreciate people in our lives who are generally happy?

Warren Beatty is reported to have said of Annette Benning, “She has a talent for happiness.”  I think it’s interesting to note that he used the word talent, which captures a truth that it’s not necessarily so easy to be happy. It’s worth noting that their marriage has lasted decades, an eternity by Hollywood standards.

If you take the time to put on a great dress and a beautiful lipgloss for your date, but show up grumpy, sarcastic, or cynical, you have missed the point.

Men generally are drawn towards women who are happy with life and happy with themselves.

Sometimes women get into trouble on this note because female friendships are sometimes strengthened by commiserating over shared troubles. Women can get in the habit of bonding with female friends via shared complaints, and then without really meaning to, carry that behavior over into their dating life. It doesn’t work. It actually repels men if you complain or vent on a date. Your date doesn’t want to hear about your work problems, your ex, or how awful traffic was. Instead, try sharing the highlights of your day and edit out the complaints about your life. (You can share those with your girlfriends over brunch if need be.)

Fear not, this doesn’t mean you have to be a Pollyanna forever. Men always remember the beginning, so it’s important to create a happy, light and breezy first impression. Once you’re in an exclusive relationship, you’ll naturally share more, but remember that even then, it’s good to reel it in sometimes and make sure to emphasize the positive. (Truth be told, even your girlfriends at brunch will appreciate it if you lighten up on the complaining now and again!)

  - “Coach Cori” at the Love Academy for Women