Why I Don’t Think Being Set up on Dates is Beneficial for Women

Today’s blog post is likely to be controversial. I don’t think it’s beneficial for a woman to be set up on dates.

I realize this is likely to be shocking to some. What harm could possibly come from being set up on a date, you may ask? Don’t friends who know you have a good idea of the right possible match for you? You may even point to couples you know who met because they were set up.

Bear with me here.

It has been my experience that when a woman is set up on the first date (whether by a friend, matchmaker, etc.), the man is more likely to take her for granted in the long-term than in situations where he had to “hunt and fish” to meet a woman on his own. Even if he likes her. Even if they end up dating. Even if they end up in a long-term relationship. Even if there is a proposal. Even if they get married.

Why?

Men tend to remember the beginning. The way things begin predicts the course of the relationship, in many ways.

When a woman is “delivered on a silver platter” without the man having to suck up his courage to personally seek her out, get her attention, and take the risk of asking her out, I don’t believe he will ever step up to the plate in the rest of the relationship in the way that most women are looking for (making her feel adored, cherished, and treasured).

More likely, even if they end up having a relationship and getting married, he may remain a bit passive, and she may find herself always having to take the lead (having to plan vacations, having to make restaurant reservations, trying to push the relationship forward, etc.) Some women may be okay with that role, but many would tire of the dynamic where she is doing all the “heavy lifting” to make the relationship work and the man is just kind of along for the ride.

My advice, for feminine women who are looking for men to cherish, adore, and treasure them, is to let men seek you out, let them do the “heavy lifting” of asking you out on their own.  Shortcuts such as being set up on dates by other people tend to short-circuit men’s masculine energy and instead bring out the passive, more feminine energy in men (i.e. where he receives and you do most of the work), which may not be a dynamic that serves you in the long-run.

Most women I know want to be cherished and adored and actively pursued by a partner, and set-ups undermine that dynamic in my experience. 

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- “Coach Cori” McGraw at the Love Academy for Women